New Beginning

Oh, how cliche. I hate that. This post sounds like the beginning of a stupid new year's resolution and I never really do those.

But, this is a new beginning of sorts. And not necessarily on my own free will, although a long time coming.

I'll make this part quick because I'm already yawning and I'm the one writing.

I suffer with a problematic thyroid and for years and years take medication for it. Good, dandy, great. And then the weight started to pile on and struggle with coming off (here comes the yawn) and am fully aware that I am far from unique in this problem but alas, I am here now. Well, all was sorta kinda okay (not really, the doctors have been telling me for years that I am considered "obese" and need to lose weight. ouch. whatev). So, about 2 years ago I went (back, but again, whatev) to Weight Watchers and was determined this time. And for a long time it worked great. I was doing it with my husband who also wanted to shed weight too and my brother and sister-in-law. So, our get togethers was surrounded by discussing low-point desserts and clever dinners using the least amount of points imaginable ("OMG, the corn tostada shells are only one point!") and it was fun and in the summers I swam in our community pool with my sister-in-law and managed to get to a weight I hadn't seen in almost a couple decades.

But then, life happens.

My husband had lost his job and the stress was high. I started back at college going for a second bachelor's degree in history. Then, he got a job in Chicago and we sold our big, beautiful home in Idaho that we raised our children in and moved (again, but that is another story for another day) across the bloody country. And, Weight Watchers changed their program in the middle of all this and I just couldn't get my head around it. In other words: I hated the new program.

Suddenly, I was in a new town, away from all my family and friends, and feeling isolated and lonely. We left my oldest son on the west coast...and while not necessarily in Idaho he was still only a car drive away and now we were separated by many, many states. Then, my middle son started college back in Idaho (oh, the sadness). We rented a super small house, storing half our stuff in the tiny one-car (gawd) garage and in storage units here and in Idaho (shut up, I know it is crazy). Our neighborhood backs a busy street. Our neighbors are one foot in the grave. Our house doesn't have a fence (a pain when you have a dog that requires a leash and patience every time she needs to pee or, well, you know what I mean).

And, in exploring our new city (may as well) food is a huge part of the Chicago scene. Weight Watchers began to falter and ultimately stop altogether.

Gawd, is anyone still reading?

Then, in February of this year as I was walking to class during my last semester as an undergrad I decided we needed to focus back on Weight Watchers. We gave it our (sorta) all. We tracked, counted points, and I worked out most days. And, after 6 months I believe I lost about 7 pounds. Seven. And when I visited my mother in Southern California in mid-July and told her I had been working out almost 6-7 days a week and following the WW plan she said she couldn't tell the difference in my appearance. (Okay, mother issues will be a topic for another day, which luckily for you, is not today.)

A doctors visit in September changed everything. I've been told for years and years to lose weight (I'm trying, dammit) and to eat better, blah blah blah. And I contemplated talking to a nutritionist because I felt like I was doing a lot of things right but I had questions (like, how good is all that low-fat cheese, for instance, that is "low in points" as WW preaches but is that really "good" for our bodies?) and I thought maybe I needed that type of help. Also, my doctor had told me that my cholesterol numbers were off the chart awful for the first time in my life. In fact, one of those numbers that was around 160 was now at 400. And I don't eat McDonald hamburgers like ever. What. The. Hell. Was. Happening?

The doctor wanted to put me on cholesterol medication. I picked it up from the pharmacy but didn't want to take it.

Then I remembered the doctor telling me about 21 day fix by beach body. She said she highly recommends the workouts at least and it was how she lost her baby weight. She said the diet part was good too but really wanted me to do the workouts.

Something clicked. I investigated and was convinced this may work. For years my doctors have told me to eat healthy foods, lean proteins, and stay away from sugar (and in many ways WW talks about the same sort of stuff). This 21 day fix thing is all about lean foods, PORTION control that seemed easier and less "fussy" than counting those bloody points. And, it was also a way to take control of my own life without having to figure out points for my husband too...he has his own set of colorful containers.

So, here we are.

Well, not so fast.

We made the decision around mid-October and I sweartogawd I gained probably five pounds in two weeks as we "ate through our stash of food" and threw out the scale and the measuring spoons and threw caution and fat to the wind and ate whatever we wanted. Until I felt like bursting. Honestly, for two weeks as we prepare to begin on November 1st, I have felt like shit. My chest hurts, I am tired and sluggish, and BLOATED. (Hi, everyone!) I have felt awful but we certainly didn't throw (much) food away, dammit, and I feel I deserve SOME (a few?) brownie points for that!! We made cake mixes, ate Halloween candy, went back for seconds, ate the fatty pieces of meat in our freezer, downed cookies and drowned our bread in butter. We ate pancakes and waffles and not one but two homemade egg mcmuffins (with bacon) on Sunday mornings. At school I ate curly fries and chicken tenders with a buffalo bleu cheese dipping sauce.

I'm not saying everything is rosy and peachy in our lives that this will somehow be some magical solution. We are still renting the small house with more than half our belongings boxed up for now until our daughter graduates high school so she doesn't have to change schools again. We are still surrounded by deathly old people. My family is still all on the west coast. My friends I left behind in Idaho, my mom refuses to travel suddenly so we will never visit, and my son is still in college in Idaho. I'm lonely, sad, and oftentimes depressed. I am in grad school now so the pressure is all around me and we've added another dog to our family (this big ole great Pyrenees that is beautiful and, well, big).

But, I feel eating Whole Foods, no processed crap, and plenty of lean proteins and controlling portions coupled with the intense 21-day fix workouts will surely (they will surely, right? please tell me this will do SOMETHING to my overall body and healthy?) make some positive change in our bodies and life.

So, today is DAY ONE.

And I did the workout. Hi ho, my whole body aches. ACHES. and I didn't even really do the whole thing as suggested because, well, I just couldn't quite. I was panting and terribly out of breath and my body just doesn't move as flexibly as the people on the video. But, I tried. and did the best I could.

Last night my husband and I sat down and figured out what we planned to eat today and it sure seems like an awful lot of food.

That's the tale for today. New Beginnings and hopefully a successful ride.