I Still Hate Pilates

At least I tried it again. I still don't love love it but it wasn't quite as bad as week one of the whole program. So, that's something anyway. So far, my favorites are the upper and lower workouts and the dirty 30. And yoga. That shit rocks.

I had a sorta off weekend and am finding it hard to get back into stuff the entire week now. It wasn't even so bad, really. We went looking at a new neighborhood and town and had lunch out. I shared a small cheese pizza and a Cobb-like-Italian-ish salad. Then, had another slice of pizza on Sunday. Nothing horrible. But, all week I've been hungrier than normal and looking for more, more, more. I'm hoping after the holidays all this passes.

Speaking of passes, we've sort of given ourselves a kinda pass for the next couple of weeks. We'll certainly do our best, of course, but with xmas eve and day plus New Years eve and day it is harder to stick to it all. I mean, our traditional New Years eve meal is take out Chinese food. I know, I know I should really stay on plan and stay focused. But. I don't know, I'm torn because life is meant to be lived too and sometimes these types of events happen. In fact, if brownie points are to be handed out I think starting something like this at the beginning of November is quite impressive, yes?

On xmas eve we plan to have a lot of fish, so that's good. Of course, we want canolli's, wine, and cheese too. On xmas day it will be easier with ham, mashed potatoes, and veggies. Until dessert when the vote was pecan pie. Plus, we have a few little treats we picked up from Trader Joes. Will it set us back a bit? Yeah, maybe. But, again, life. Maybe we'll go for a walk with the dogs in addition to my workouts. Maybe I'll add an extra workout or two during the next couple of weeks. Either way, I'll do my best, plug along, and keep going.

That's the best way, yes?

Trying to Dust Myself Off + End of Second 21 Day Cycle Results

The holidays plus school stress plus life stress equals, well, more stress. Things have just felt stressful and off and emotional and the guilt has settled neatly on my shoulders and my worth tanked and I can't say I'm totally okay right now but I'm better than I was a week ago with my last post.

As if anyone cares out here in the worldwide web. Crickets.

Anyhoo.

I did want to share my results after just wrapping up the second cycle of 21 day fix which felt like it flew by much quicker than the first round. We are settling into the containers and portions and while I can't say we ate every single thing every single day, we certainly tried. I certainly tried.

I missed a total of 3 workout days. The day after thanksgiving and two days this week because I was feeling under the weather with severe body aches and a fever. As for food, well, there was Thanksgiving and I did go out to lunch with a grad school cohort. And I ate pizza a couple of times. Not half a box, but a half a slice at Costco and three from a small pizza with my friend at that lunch.

And, I still lost about 6 pounds this cycle and many inches.

I'm thrilled.

No. More than thrilled.

I almost can't believe it.

In six weeks (two 21 day fix cycles) I have lost almost 12 pounds AND 12 inches!!!! Wha?!?

Six. Bloody. Weeks.

It took me three months of yo-yoing up and down to drop barely 10lbs. on weight watchers and I lost more than that in half the damn time. Although, for a split second I was tempted by WW new program (of course they have a new program, it's been two years, just like clockwork, plus their older Oprah one wasn't that successful) where there were like 200 foods you could eat for "free" until I realized I would be on WW eating and counting points until the cows came home and never really reaching my goal. I know this for a fact.

So, here I am feeling amazing. Really great. This lifestyle change has not been that hard. I feel like if we want to cheat a little bit here and there as the holidays come around, we will be just fine. This is doable and livable and I have never really felt this great before. Honestly. And the workouts are kicking my ass!

Tomorrow is "pilates" day and after week one when I simply COULD. NOT. DO. IT. I am going to give it a try again since it's been 6 weeks. I can't even say I miss good ole Leslie Sansone and her "vanilla" workouts made for the middle of the road type anybody. These workouts from 21 day are INTENSE and I'm seeing results which is so satisfying and helps, truly, to stay focused on the long haul.

At the end of next month...and after two more 21 day cycles...I will make my necessary and required appointment with my doctor and have her run my numbers again. I am keeping my fingers crossed that there will be substantial change in my cholesterol and that I can forget about having to take that medication - and maybe she will stop referencing obesity and "you really should drop some weight" from our regular diatribe. One can hope.

I'll let you know how pilates works out tomorrow. Meanwhile, I'm off to grab a snack.

Not in a Good Place

Today is just one of those days, I think.

I'm not feeling all that great. Nothing that requires total and complete bed rest but just enough to make me less than 100%. I decided to take a day off. A break. Sit on the couch with a book and take a nap and work on some embroidery I am trying to finish up by the end of the weekend so I can mail them off as small little gifts.

I just wanted to chill.

With two dogs.

And one who barks every time the UPS truck (or any truck, really) drives by.

And after being made to feel less than. I know that technically no one can make you feel one way or the other so a better statement would be that my feelings were hurt by someone's innocent, and seemingly joking, comments. But you know when you make a jab and the person laughs it is all in good fun but if the person doesn't laugh you claim you were only joking?

Enter my day today.

To a "joke" that has been circulating for awhile now but one that I don't think is funny. I feel the comment is a truthful statement wrapped up in a "joke" because it upset me. It actually doesn't upset me or piss me off or make me angry as much as it fuels my depression and makes me sad and hurt.

Being made to feel less than, unworthy, and pointless seems to make me feel like my entire life, therefore, is pointless and unworthy. Oh, they are "grateful" for me and "without me..." blah blah blah. In reality, I'm not all that unique and "what I do around here" can EASILY be filled by a host of other people. In other words, I think I would be hardly missed. Seems to be a trend in my life, I'm afraid. Currently, I am in the rediscovery mode of my life and I feel a little lost at sea. I had one steady job for 22 years and suddenly it is being yanked from me, one graduation and birthday at a time. I get it. My job was one thing but it was never meant to be a forever job, I know that. At least my brain knows that but my heart is in battle mode. Anyway, I'm lost now without purpose or worth and what my job consists of now is kinda a joke, really.

And now I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere without anyone. And I'm feeling extremely down today. And hurt. And pointless.

Plugging Along

I hate to keep bringing up Weight Watchers but yesterday I heard they announced a new program allowing 200 foods to be "zero points." Things like eggs, fish, and yogurt. WHA? Okay, how many ways can I say this is a problem? Why would they do such a thing? My guess is that the recent Oprah inspired program wasn't doing so well and not as popular. In fact, the news indicated that many people had been leaving the program. So, inspire by eating, um, more food? Hello. This isn't celery we are talking about. Eggs have calories and cholesterol. Fish has calories too, despite how few. And yogurt weighs in at least around 80 calories. And that's only the three things they mentioned, there are still 197 more free items newly added. I would venture to say that the longer people need to lose weight the more they stay in business because you ain't losing weight if you are eating things like eggs and fish and yogurt as "zero" foods which, in the past, consisted of things like mustard, flavored vinegar, veggies, fruits, and oil sprays. Come on.

I'm happy where I'm at. I did the dirty 30 this morning and just plugging along with the food plan, working like a dickens to get it all in in a day. Yesterday I found I was hungry more than normal. It could be hormonal, however.